I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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