brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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