Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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