as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize