I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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