How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
