If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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