I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
