You just made me feel so damn special
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
