Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
