I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
