My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
