Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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