She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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