wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My ass is underappreciated
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize