so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
