When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this will be a night to untag.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
