Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
