I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I understand Curling. That high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
