This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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