he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't want my vagina anymore.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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