forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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