Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
