Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
