I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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