sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
