dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
