Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
