just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
