Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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