so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
