I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
