A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
