I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
