That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
