Already got asked if we're dating
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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