Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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