Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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