Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
