I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
