Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
