i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
