I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
