no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
