I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
