At least make sure they are 18
Why
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize