ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
