My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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