watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
