The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
