the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize