it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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