Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
