ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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