i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
