don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize