Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
