There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
