Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
