I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
