why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
