Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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