My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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