four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
