You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
