The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
