so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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