Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
