Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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