Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
