Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
