my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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