He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
