I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
