I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
