As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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