The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
