those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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