I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
